Walking on Broken Glass - 7

It takes Tony another two days to get himself together and sober up before he decides to go have a talk with Steve. He thinks about what to say, but nothing comes to mind so he figures he'll come up with something on the spot. Or at least he hopes so.

It's not until he's out the door that Tony remembers that he doesn't know where to go. 'Damn kid,' he thinks as he dials Pepper's number on his cell. 'Comes here to make me feel guilty and doesn't even tell me where to go to fix it.'

"What did you do this time?" Pepper sounds busy on the other end of the line, and Tony could try to feel bad about bothering her if she didn't greet him like that.

"Aren't you sweet." Tony deadpans and rolls his eyes, and he knows that somehow Pepper can hear it. "Where does Captain Khakis live?"

"Why?" She sounds more interested in the conversation now.

"Pepper, I promise I'm about to do a good thing. Will you give me his address?"

"Fine." Pepper replies after a pause and gives Tony what he wants.

"You're an angel, I should give a promotion. Wait, I did! Genius."

"I'm trusting you here. If you break my trust you're going to suffer." Pepper hangs up before Tony can reply, he shrugs it off and walks down the street to the place where Steve and Peter are currently living.

Steve groans when the doorbell rings and drags himself off the couch to check who is interrupting his drawing. As he opens the door Steve freezes on the spot at the sight of Tony. His brain is still not fully functioning when he steps to the side and Tony walks past him and into the apartment.

"So." Tony starts because the silence is making him uncomfortable.

"Hi, sorry. Hi."

"Right."

"Sorry, sorry." Steve finally moves from the door. "You want something? Coffee?"

"You okay there, Cap?" Tony asks, only half joking.

"Yes. I just... You're here."

"Brilliant deduction. Coffee sounds great." Tony smiles and when Steve smiles back he feels a little less nervous.

Steve goes to the kitchen and Tony looks around the small apartment. The first thing he notices is the lack of pictures and tv, but there's a stack of books on the coffee table that Tony assumes is what keeps Steve entertained. There's also an open sketch book, the edges of it are worn but it doesn't look too old, which means that the owner must use it often. Curiosity takes the best of him, and before Tony can stop himself he's sitting on the couch and looking at a neat sketch of the stack of books in the coffee table. That, by itself, shouldn't be too impressive, but the detail is outstanding, especially on the book that lies on top. The cover is an exact replica and Tony feels that he can almost count how many pages the book has just from looking at the sketch.

Steve walks in at that moment and Tony throws the sketch book back at the coffee table with a bit too much strength and it ends up flying right over it and to the floor. He still looks away, as if nothing happened, but he hears Steve's chuckle and looks up at him with a half smile on his lips, a hand running through his hair and overall looking guilty.

"It's okay." Steve hands him a cup of steaming black coffee that smells strong and Tony almost sighs in delight. "You used to check my drawings all the time."

"Really?" Tony asks before taking a small sip of the hot beverage in his hand, testing the temperature. It's just the way he likes it and if it's not his favourite brand, it sure as hell tastes like it. Steve simply nods as picks his sketch pad up from the floor and places it back on the coffee table.

Tony takes a long pause and thinks about what Peter said two days before. 'You know what you were like 7 years ago.'. He wonders just how much he could have changed in that time and looks at Steve, who is looking at the coffee table and not saying a word.

"What am I like?" Tony finally asks, and it makes Steve look at him with a questioning raised eyebrow. "I mean, before the amnesia. And, you know, as a... Husband. And father. What was I like?"

"Like yourself." Steve replies and his features soften, a small affectionate smile gracing his lips. "Just... More sincere."

"How so?" Tony brings the cup to his lips and frowns when there's no coffee left.

"You let yourself be happy. You smile genuinely, and you say what you feel without holding back any of it. You're still sarcastic, self-centered and a hopeless workaholic, but you care about your family and you're not afraid to show it. And the best of it all, that side of you is a side only me and Peter know, and it feels great to know that you're willing to share it with us."

Steve is still smiling when he stops talking and Tony is surprised to find his own lips curving slightly up. He puts down the cup he was still holding and shifts in his sit to look at Steve more directly.

"How did you do that?" He asks because he honestly never thought someone could turn him into a family man.

"I didn't do anything."

"You must have done something. I am not like that. I am not accusing you of putting a weird spell on me but you totally did something."

There is a long pause and Steve looks down at his fidgeting hands on his lap. "I fell for you. And I fought for you. That's all."

Tony's eyes widen and something in his chest feels strange, like an ache that feels good. He stays quiet for a long time, not knowing what to say to that, but a million of things running through his mind.

"Why?" Tony finally asks and bites his tongue right after, feeling dumb for asking that.

"I don't know." Steve doesn't look up, but he's smiling. "You can't exactly say why you fall for someone, if you try it will come out as something really lame like 'because you're perfect', which is not entirely a lie. When you fall for someone, they're perfect to you... And now I'm rambling, I'm sorry."

Steve was avoiding using the word 'love' because he knows how long it took for Tony to not be scared of it anymore. It's all gone now, and Steve doesn't want to scare him away with four letters. Which is why he looks up worried when Tony takes too long to reply, because he's afraid he messed up. But Tony doesn't look scared, he just looks like he's still swallowing Steve's words and when he finally does, he smiles.

"I, uh." Tony runs his hand over his face, because amnesiac Tony sucks at apologizing. "I guess I've been kinda hard on you. In my defense, I had no idea that we... You know. It's all your fault, really. But still, I... I'm sorry for trying to drive you away." It actually feels great, and when Steve smiles the way he does it's all worth it.

"It's not like it would ever work." Steve waves a hand dismissing the subject.

"Are you a saint or something? You gotta be a saint to put up with me." Steve  chuckles once again and shakes his head and Tony feels warm. He thinks about what Steve said before, about Tony saying what he feels and not holding it back, and takes a deep breath. "I kinda want to kiss you."

For a long moment, Steve is quiet. He avoids looking at Tony because if he does he is going to launch forward and kiss him, and Steve is not sure if that's the right thing to do, even though Tony was the one who brought it up. So, to make sure it's right, he asks "Why?"

"Because I like you." Once again, it feels great. "And apparently I'm your husband, so I guess it's okay to like you and want to kiss you."

Steve finally looks back at Tony and practically throws himself at him, grabbing at his tie to pull him closer. They are not kissing yet and Steve lingers for a second, their foreheads touching and their lips so close he can feel the warmth of Tony's mouth.

"There's no turning back, Tony. You can't keep on denying our marriage if we kiss now."

So Tony closes the gap between their lips, because he doesn't want to be the man he was seven years ago, he wants a family. He wants to be the person Steve described earlier and he wants Steve and Peter to help him remember.

Steve's lips are softer than they look and they feel familiar. The hand on the back of Tony's neck is comforting and Steve's shoulder under Tony's hand is warm. Under his closed eyelids, Tony can see Steve  and it feels like a memory, but it's too distant. Right now, it doesn't matter.